What If | A Poem by Sydney Rose

The thing that scares me the most is neither dark nor deep,
Nothing scares me more, not even death.
What does scare me is not finding love
What if I am incapable of feelings and have just pushed past them way above?
Is it possible that chasing after material dreams I have ignored the true me?
Have I just deluded myself into believing that what was happening was meant to be?
Why is it that after such a long journey I have realised this truth?
Would I have been happier if I had only trusted my instincts in my youth?
I am afraid that by wishing to go back in time I will only find that this is how I always was,
Because I console myself by thinking things would have been different if only I had hit pause.
The fast life, the complication and stress are just ways to shift the blame,
But somewhere deep inside I know that I deliberately extinguished my inner flame.
There are a lot of possibilities that run through my mind,
Mostly about opportunities and people I left behind.
Like I said, nothing ever scares me more,
Looks like I left love waiting behind an ignored door.