Despondence | A Poem by D.C. Kingsley

Often I stand
apart from you, yet a part of you,
Running rings around the parts of you that are askew from me,
Making no moves,
to endure the pain of pining after you,
Breathing heavily at the thought of shoes that dance around my feet,
Even after all this friendship ruse, these  night time blues, the days on end that I'd refuse to know or care of your excuse, the fear I'd watch the news and see your name list in tributes,
That you no longer breathe.

Often I stop,
I think of where you've dreamt to dare,
Memories flicker round my mind til there,
The wounds you do so often bare become clear, so they do
The days though rare, you'd rip your hair and fight it off yet it would tear your every thought, your every care, I knew that you weren't happy there,
But what could I do?

Often I think,
Apart from this, these parts I miss,
The ways in which you'd just flourish, which worst of all I didn't wish,
And I'll never live that down,
If I could risk an ounce, to fish you out from where you are in all of this, this far from bliss, this awfulness, I swear I'd balance all of it, I swear I'd never let you quit, I know it hurts but please don't sit, your shaking fists and oh-so-brisk accommodating smile I miss, the catalyst is working shifts whilst knowing life won't always fit together like it always did when you were right, when you would lift the things my brain thought did exist, and only if I knew more if, the things you thought were half as fit to bare the burden that persists, I swear I'll balance all those things, I swear I'd hold you, shaking fists, I swear I'd tackle, fight and risk my life to know you'd beaten this,
I"m sorry,
I'll let you rest.